Finding contentment.

Not attaching your happiness to circumstances is really the key to lasting peace in life. A huge part of this is simply learning to be content with where you are. I say simply, but it isn’t simple at all. I struggle so much with staying present, enjoying the now, being grateful for what I have and being content. I always want more, or different. Most recently my struggle has been with finding peace with being a stay at home mom. I recently began staying home full time and it has not come easy. It isn’t my forever situation, but it is my now. I have been thinking about ways I have been learning to cope honestly. I realized the things I have been learning apply across the board. Regardless of what your current situation is, you can find peace and contentment in it. Here are a few things that help me.

1. Don't force gratitude. You know, the whole "someone always has it worse" mentality. It doesn't work. Sure people have it worse, but comparison of any kind will never serve you. Trying to force gratitude this way only leads to still feeling ungrateful while now adding guilt to the situation. Two things to never feel guilty over: food, and not feeling grateful. It is plain unproductive. Instead, try and create authentic gratitude. In any situation there are things you can sincerely feel gratitude for. Feelings of gratitude might not flow naturally, but deciding to choose to find something you really are grateful for is a positive action that will start to invite more gratitude in your life. Being grateful is a learned behavior.
2. Don't rely on outside validation. We all want to be validated. Praise feels good. It is ok to like it, but you can't depend on it. There is not enough praise in the world to make you happy with yourself if you aren't happy with yourself. You will waste a lot of time, and lose sight of the most important things in life chasing validation from the world. That chase will rob you of ever feeling content with the present.
3.  Be confident in your choices. This goes along with the danger of endlessly seeking outside validation. I spent a lot of time giving everyone I met my resume. I needed them to know I wasn't just a mom, I wasn't just a hairstylist, that I wasn't just a college student. I was so insecure in every part of my life I used every angle to try and convince everyone I was accomplished. Now when I meet people I give them myself as I am that day. Whatever role I am playing, that's it. No one else needs to agree with what you do with your life. That's entirely up to you, and the sooner you stop caring what other people think of it the sooner you will fully accept your life as it is and find contentment in that.
4. Don't play the martyr. Please stop! There is no nobility in killing yourself off in "service" of others. When you aren't well emotionally or physically, you have nothing to give. Making proper, meaningful self care a priority will save you and the people who depend on you. You've already read my thoughts on self-care here, but I can't stress the power in it enough. You have to be well to be content.
5. Beware of resentments, My biggest problem that arises from being discontent is that I go to a place of resentment in the blink of an eye. If I am unhappy, it has to be someone's fault. Naturally I take it out on my husband and kids, which is so crazy unfair. I have to take responsibility for my reality. Going through the motions of life begrudgingly and unhappily creates a reality I don't want to live in. 

I have a long way to go, but these things have brought me a ways from where I began. These aren't one time things, but rather things I have to apply to my life a hundred times a day. Slowly, I like my now a little more than I used to. I have good days and bad, but overall I see progress.