What I learned from leaving home.

To be fair it should be known I moved away from friends and family a short five months ago. So I am sure the lessons will just keep coming, but I already feel like I have learned a lot and you can’t discard your knowledge now based on the potential of learning more in the future. The first day of September 2015 we packed up all our stuff in a U-Haul and started our journey from Utah, our home, to Ohio. I had made one other cross country move in my life and it was both hard and the best thing possible. This time has been about the same, except rather than being a tween full of angst, I’m the mom. So far, here is what I have learned.

1.       I took family and friends for granted. I love my family, but I could be found majorly complaining about having to attend yet another family event. Didn’t we just get together? Don’t they know we are busy with our own stuff? Now we would give anything to pop into the crazy, chaos filled Sunday family dinner. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone! Stop whining and appreciate every minute you get with supportive family and friends.

2.       I was too passive in my relationships. Building upon number one, I wasted a lot of time not building sincere relationships with the people around me. Because I saw them so regularly I just sort of tuned out and struggled to be present. I wish I had engaged in more conversation and taken the time to really invest in the lives and interests of the people close to me. I have learned that being geographically close in no way guarantees you a close relationship. I am actually closer to certain friends and family now that I’ve been away but chosen to invest time in reaching out to them and chatting regularly. You can see someone every single day and really not know them at all. Make your people a priority.

3.       I should have said no more often. Living with such a huge social/family circle close by can be really overwhelming. I was often overbooked just trying to do things with everyone and make people happy. My life was full of all good things, but too many good things. Spending a few months in a city where no one knows you can be therapeutic. The slower pace of life really suits me, and my small children. It’s ok to say no thanks to a day at the zoo for no reason other than needing a rest day. Slow down!

4.       I need to open up more. I was so isolated and closed off to new relationships. I had my family and friends already, I didn’t need anyone else. How many amazing people did I miss out on!? Since we have moved I have been so grateful to all the MANY people who have opened their lives and their homes to us. It has made me realize how little I reached out to the people around me based on my own insecurities. I missed so many opportunities to learn and grow and love new people. Make new friends!

5.       I am tougher than I think. I can handle loneliness, and I am brave enough to explore the unknown with three kids by my side. I don’t need people around me all the time. I don’t need babysitting help all the time (though I do miss it, and it does complicate things) but I can handle it. This season in life for me isn’t about child free vacations and career aspirations. These small people need me, and like it or not I have to handle it. There were a lot of things I considered necessities that really ended up being nonessential conveniences.

6.       Don’t compare your new home to your old one. There are pros and cons to every city in the world. There is plenty I miss about Utah living, but this is Ohio. I choose to embrace Ohio. There are endless things to love about being here so why waste this experience by dwelling on how Utah was.

7.       Home is where you make it. It has been a new sensation for me to miss a place yet have no desire to go back to living there. I think it is mostly because it isn’t my home anymore. My home is here, with my husband and kids. This is where I want to be.  Going back for a visit sounds great, but I really have no longing to return permanently for now. I know I am where I am supposed to be. I think to really thrive in a place you have to be all in. This is easier to do however because of the strong base of people I have who love and support me. My Utah friendships are lifelong ones, and I often rely on them to be able to move forward here.

8.       I’m finding me. I think it took stepping back and starting fresh for me to really start to know myself. When you live in one place a long time it is almost difficult to change because so many people around you unknowingly hold you to what you once were.  It is hard to evolve when your world is sitting still.

9.       Less is more. We got rid of so much stuff when we moved. I can’t explain the bliss that having less has brought into my life. Less mess, less stress, less complicated. We have what we need, and have forgotten the rest. Even if you don’t move, consider purging your life of all the excess.

10.   You, not your circumstances, make you happy. My favorite tangent of all, not allowing circumstances to control your happiness. You can be happy anywhere or you can be miserable anywhere and it has zero to do with location or proximity to family and friends. I came to Ohio determined to love it, and that is exactly what has happened. 

       Like any experience worth having in life moving has been hard and wonderful and mostly I am so grateful for the ride.