My husband is a lucky man.

I am a public supporter of top knots and mumus. Without fail every time I make a public push for women to embrace mumu life and messy hair, I get the "your husband is a lucky man" and "wow your husband must love that" comments practically dripping with sarcasm. I might respond with a laugh and move on, but inside every comment throws another log on the fire of rage inside. I mean, let me get this straight... my appearance in pajamas is so awful that you literally feel sorry my husband has to see me that way? Or is it that as a wife, dressing in a sexually stimulating manner and being perfectly groomed at all times is somewhere in the fine print of my job description that I failed to read? And please tell me why men are not held to this same, "must look hot for your spouse" standard? Do you feel bad for me when my husband wears basketball shorts and a stained tshirt around the house?

 There have been times I have felt sorry for my husband for having to be married to me. Times full of darkness, depression, and emotional withdrawal. I felt unworthy of his love and commitment. I felt like a complete burden he had to carry. In these times I really felt like the lucky one. Things have changed now, and though I still think I married up, I feel like I do my best each day to be the partner my husband deserves. Not a single day in my life however, have I felt my worth as a partner depends on my appearance.

Let's see. Every day my husband heads out to a job he loves knowing that his children will be loved and taken care of while he's gone, and it won't cost him a dime. Being a stay at home mom has caused some serious resentment issues for me (another post, another day), but we came to this decision together. For now, for this season, it is what works for our family. Even so, the luxury of freely working to be successful at work while having a thriving family at home because your spouse is there taking care of it cannot be discounted.

When he comes home from work it is common to find me sporting a mumu and messy hair. it is also common to find a nutritious meal on the table, happy kids full of stories about their day, and a wife comfortable enough with herself to rock that mumu without a thought about the fact maybe she doesn't look sexy in it.  It is common to find laundry done, the pantry stocked, and kids who have had adventures that day. It is common to find me happy to see him,

My husband has a wife who likes herself. A wife who obviously wants to be found attractive, but respects him enough to know attraction goes deeper than the mumu she is wearing. He has a wife who takes care of herself in ways a mumu might not reflect, but her peaceful, happy attitude does. He has a wife who is working hard to be well. He has a wife who when all dressed up, does it for herself rather than to impress him or others. He has a wife confident with herself and her opinions, creating a strong partnership in their marriage. He has a wife who is content. He knows the mumu means nothing other than that she likes to feel comfortable.

So yeah, my husband is a lucky man, thanks for noticing.