Finding the mom in mom life.

I’m in the stage of life where the burdens of parenting are things like lack of sleep, never enough patience, and constantly being needed by someone. My kids are little. I understand there is a day when this stage might feel like the easiest of all the parenting phases, but today, it feels hard.

While I recognize dealing with messes and tantrums is much lighter than navigating parenting adolescents, I also think recognizing the difficulty of now is justified. I’ve realized one of hardest parts of this season is often feeling like a care giver more than a mom.

From day one I have lacked the connection I anticipated with my kids. Nothing about motherhood comes naturally for me really. Though even as I type that I am reminded that how you feel in your motherhood is subjective, there is no right way to feel as a mom. It is a highly unique experience too often stuffed into a too small mold. Another day. As I was saying, I have always lacked a maternal nature. This might magnify my feelings but I think all moms might relate.

The part that comes easier to me is being task oriented. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, organizing social calendars, taking them to do fun things, teaching them academic and artistic skills and disciplining them has become my focus, because I don’t suck at that. I can manage a household (ish). The problem with this being my focus is that it leaves me feeling like unpaid hired help. I often feel completely replaceable. If fact on many occasions I have had the thought that my kids would be better off if I wasn’t the one running the show. I realized I need to find the MOM in my mom life.

The bottom line is that it takes work to run a house, rock a job, and keep little kids alive. That isn’t going to change. But those little moments of giggles, loves, witnessing milestones, talking through meltdowns, and tiny arms around your neck need to be the focus. They need to be magnified because you are the mom, and feeling like a mom is what makes getting out of bed twenty times in one night ok. You are special. You aren’t replaceable. I’m saying this out loud to myself because I have not even come close to really believing it all the time, but I know deep down it is the truth so I will keep working until I convince myself of it.

When I feel like a random care-giver in my home I feel unimportant and replaceable. I get angry faster, I show my kids love less, and I forget to laugh. When I feel like a mom I feel more patient, more peace, and smile through the crazy. I have a few vivid memories of really FEELING like a mom, and they are without a doubt my happiest.  I cling to them on days of chaos and mess and work every single day to recognize that feeling more. Let's try to remember to take at least one minute each day to feel like a mom.

xoxo Julie